proud pole

Samantha O'Neill: sophisticated, not stripper

Last night I went to Proud in Camden where my flatmate, who teaches pole dancing/pole gym and her fellow teachers and pupils had hired one of the stables for a private pole party. That sounds seedy, but it was actually a small group of women and one man, doing karaoke and pole dancing. I have never seen pole dancing before except when they have girls doing it in the background of programmes as varied as The Wire through to 30 Rock.


Because I live with a pole teacher who is nothing like what you might expect a pole dancer to look like, my mind was already open to the idea that pole is not just a performance for men activity, but can also be elegant and athletic. I have never felt so unconfident, frumpy and prudish in my life (and I am really very prudish). I have also never turned up to a party before where I have felt like I have nothing to bring to it talent wise! This wasn't standing around sassing and smart making! The mix of women was really broad, some of the girls were awesome rockers, there was an investment banker who is also STUNNING on the pole and is apparently an amazing chef. Come on Luce, pull your finger out. What also struck me was that none of these women had stereotypical men pleaser bodies; the whole tits on a stick thing. Everyone was real, and understandably it would be really hard to do those moves with a big pair of melons (although I'm sure some do) and it requires remarkable strength, so some of these ladies had guns. It was undeniably sexy though, but I think what was sexy was the confidence these women had in their own bodies and ability, they have NO FEAR! It was all done with big smiles and lots of sense of humour. There was also a lot of krumping, booty dropping, winding, faux (?) lesbianism, and I did see several butt cheeks and a boob. But these bodies had cellulite and stretch marks, when bits of flesh were squished the flesh dimpled, breasts were proportianate, women were pears and apples.

It sounds patronising, but it was good to actually see real women who were body confident and seeminlgy felt desirable. I think my job and others aspects of my life have left me with such a one-sided view of what is attractive, and it was nice to see that these women were able to find their own body confidence and corporeality. However, this was a 'safe' enviroment of other, supportive women. I don't know any of these people and how they feel and behave in their own lives. When the party was over, we had to walk through the rest of the club to go and watch one of their friends who was performing on hoops suspended from the ceiling, another act which requires amazing physical strength and guts. The difference here was that all along the front row were pervy men, taking pictures with their phones. C'est la vie.

I would like to say that last night has inspired me but that, coupled with my epic zumba fail last week just left me feeling more depressed and awkward than ever. I can see that there are ways to feel confident and happy without possessing a 'perfect' body, but I don't know how I can get there myself. It isn't important as such, I do have some perspective, but I feel like if I could be body confident, occasionally feel 'sexy' even, then other areas of my life might improve, especially my relationship. I will continue with my zumba classes (whimper) in which I trollop around with limp arms feeling like Miranda, but for now the daily depression that sets in as I have to look at pictures of beautiful, naked women will still be my own personal, little battle.