Last night I went to Proud in Camden where my flatmate, who teaches pole dancing/pole gym and her fellow teachers and pupils had hired one of the stables for a private pole party. That sounds seedy, but it was actually a small group of women and one man, doing karaoke and pole dancing. I have never seen pole dancing before except when they have girls doing it in the background of programmes as varied as The Wire through to 30 Rock.
Because I live with a pole teacher who is nothing like what you might expect a pole dancer to look like, my mind was already open to the idea that pole is not just a performance for men activity, but can also be elegant and athletic. I have never felt so unconfident, frumpy and prudish in my life (and I am really very prudish). I have also never turned up to a party before where I have felt like I have nothing to bring to it talent wise! This wasn't standing around sassing and smart making! The mix of women was really broad, some of the girls were awesome rockers, there was an investment banker who is also STUNNING on the pole and is apparently an amazing chef. Come on Luce, pull your finger out. What also struck me was that none of these women had stereotypical men pleaser bodies; the whole tits on a stick thing. Everyone was real, and understandably it would be really hard to do those moves with a big pair of melons (although I'm sure some do) and it requires remarkable strength, so some of these ladies had guns. It was undeniably sexy though, but I think what was sexy was the confidence these women had in their own bodies and ability, they have NO FEAR! It was all done with big smiles and lots of sense of humour. There was also a lot of krumping, booty dropping, winding, faux (?) lesbianism, and I did see several butt cheeks and a boob. But these bodies had cellulite and stretch marks, when bits of flesh were squished the flesh dimpled, breasts were proportianate, women were pears and apples.
It sounds patronising, but it was good to actually see real women who were body confident and seeminlgy felt desirable. I think my job and others aspects of my life have left me with such a one-sided view of what is attractive, and it was nice to see that these women were able to find their own body confidence and corporeality. However, this was a 'safe' enviroment of other, supportive women. I don't know any of these people and how they feel and behave in their own lives. When the party was over, we had to walk through the rest of the club to go and watch one of their friends who was performing on hoops suspended from the ceiling, another act which requires amazing physical strength and guts. The difference here was that all along the front row were pervy men, taking pictures with their phones. C'est la vie.
I would like to say that last night has inspired me but that, coupled with my epic zumba fail last week just left me feeling more depressed and awkward than ever. I can see that there are ways to feel confident and happy without possessing a 'perfect' body, but I don't know how I can get there myself. It isn't important as such, I do have some perspective, but I feel like if I could be body confident, occasionally feel 'sexy' even, then other areas of my life might improve, especially my relationship. I will continue with my zumba classes (whimper) in which I trollop around with limp arms feeling like Miranda, but for now the daily depression that sets in as I have to look at pictures of beautiful, naked women will still be my own personal, little battle.
I have just finished reading 'An A-Z of Hellraisers' by Robert Sellers. He has written a few of these books, I wanted to get the 'Hollywood Hellraisers' one to read on hols, but didn't because it was 8 quid and I am a known tight arse, so SCORE when I found this one in a GQ book sale for a quid. Wheter it exists I don't know, butafter reading this I'd like to read a book that further details the female hellraisers, such as Tallulah Bankhead. Another favourite whose antics are reported in Sellers' book is Dorothy Parker, a jouralist who wrote for Vanity Fair. The woman is highly quotable:
"I like to have a Martini. Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table. After four, I'm under my host."
And when she was late to turn in her copy to her editor at The New Yorker becuase she was on her honeymoon she gave this excuse via telegram: 'Too fucking busy, and vice versa'.
And this is perhaps my favourite telegram from Dot. I think I will frame this and keep it on my desk at work:
I also enjoyed reading about the Wild West charcters; Roy Bean, Calamity Jane, Wild Bill Hickock and Poker Alice. When I was reading about them I thought, 'this should be a film', which is how I felt when I read bout Titanic Thompson (then 'Boardwalk Empire' came out and I felt slightly robbed, altohugh hes not actually in the series, many other 'characters' from his life are). It turns out OF COURSE that a film was made about Roy Bean in 1972, and the tv series 'Deadwood' features Calamity Jane and Wild Bill, oh well, great minds....
Always the last one to catch on, I finally watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World yesterday, and I just don't know how to describe how fantastic I think it is, so I am going to try a list form of random thoughts.... 1) Computer game references that are very generation-specific like 1UP, coin collecting and KO (I 'KO' my boyfriend all the time, not literally but in too hard to explain ways, so we particularly enjoyed this) and crappy old sound card noises
2) This is a PR film for bass guitars, meeoowwww. My brother is someone who helped get me in to alternative music (well, suggested paths) and he's an ace on bass so I used to be quite into bass lines (especially in punk bands like Rancid) so it was nice to be appreciating the burly instrument again
3) chick drummer. But not in a hot way, not in an angry butch lesbian way just in an outspoken kick arse way
4) Teenage Dream - T-REX (yes, way before Katy Perry, and it's not a T-REX song you hear very often) and, probably my fave Stones song 'Under My Thumb'. They're both used really well too.
5) Seinfeld scene
6) Micheal Cera. I know he plays the same character in every film, although I feel there was some development in his playing of Scott. I also love how they cast his girlfriend Anne from Arrested Development as one of the evil exes. Not a may-anne-egg in sight though
7) Bathos
8) great female characters, and no real hotties so I didn't have to get upset or worry about the bf perving
9) The name Knives
I am sorry that I haven't read the comics, I am one of those twats, but my brother has them so perhaps I will give them a go; considering I read rock autobiographies it really can't be a step down in intelligence stakes.
Throughout I was reminded of this song and look what some bright spark has done with it, Jem and the Holograms, sweet deal.
Last night I went to see Grumpy Old Women Live II at our hideous local theatre. I don't mind admitting that I hate everything and everyone and therefore this kind of programming appeals to me. Plus Jenny Eclair is one of the best people in the world. I laughed until I cried at points and I'm sure many of the old women around me laughed until a bit of wee came out, god bless my young and taut pelvic floor, hahaha.The stage set was very pleasing too; there was lots of twee and chintz, a SMEG fridge, bunting and huge backdrops resembling Tracey Emin's subversive patch work quilts. I took a pic of it but as you can see I stupidly waited til after the show when there were no lights.
Other things I have been doing: I just booked my theory test. Yikes, although I am hoping I will be able to do this part of the test as it doesn't involve any actual driving. I have bought 4 pairs of shoes in 2 days. In our house that is when you know you are turning in to your mother as you are probably doing it to fill a sad hole. Orrrr because Faith and Office are having ridic sales at the moment.Can't say, can't say.
Samantha O'Neill: sophisticated, not stripper
