Samantha O'Neill: sophisticated, not stripper
Because I live with a pole teacher who is nothing like what you might expect a pole dancer to look like, my mind was already open to the idea that pole is not just a performance for men activity, but can also be elegant and athletic. I have never felt so unconfident, frumpy and prudish in my life (and I am really very prudish). I have also never turned up to a party before where I have felt like I have nothing to bring to it talent wise! This wasn't standing around sassing and smart making! The mix of women was really broad, some of the girls were awesome rockers, there was an investment banker who is also STUNNING on the pole and is apparently an amazing chef. Come on Luce, pull your finger out. What also struck me was that none of these women had stereotypical men pleaser bodies; the whole tits on a stick thing. Everyone was real, and understandably it would be really hard to do those moves with a big pair of melons (although I'm sure some do) and it requires remarkable strength, so some of these ladies had guns. It was undeniably sexy though, but I think what was sexy was the confidence these women had in their own bodies and ability, they have NO FEAR! It was all done with big smiles and lots of sense of humour. There was also a lot of krumping, booty dropping, winding, faux (?) lesbianism, and I did see several butt cheeks and a boob. But these bodies had cellulite and stretch marks, when bits of flesh were squished the flesh dimpled, breasts were proportianate, women were pears and apples.
It sounds patronising, but it was good to actually see real women who were body confident and seeminlgy felt desirable. I think my job and others aspects of my life have left me with such a one-sided view of what is attractive, and it was nice to see that these women were able to find their own body confidence and corporeality. However, this was a 'safe' enviroment of other, supportive women. I don't know any of these people and how they feel and behave in their own lives. When the party was over, we had to walk through the rest of the club to go and watch one of their friends who was performing on hoops suspended from the ceiling, another act which requires amazing physical strength and guts. The difference here was that all along the front row were pervy men, taking pictures with their phones. C'est la vie.
I would like to say that last night has inspired me but that, coupled with my epic zumba fail last week just left me feeling more depressed and awkward than ever. I can see that there are ways to feel confident and happy without possessing a 'perfect' body, but I don't know how I can get there myself. It isn't important as such, I do have some perspective, but I feel like if I could be body confident, occasionally feel 'sexy' even, then other areas of my life might improve, especially my relationship. I will continue with my zumba classes (whimper) in which I trollop around with limp arms feeling like Miranda, but for now the daily depression that sets in as I have to look at pictures of beautiful, naked women will still be my own personal, little battle.
I have borrowed a box set of 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl' from my sister. I have before, perhaps controversially, said that I think secret diary is the closest the UK has come to its own SATC. Obviously it doesn't compare, and I don't even really mean they are similar because of the sex theme, more for the fact that Belle in Secret Diary has that Carrie Bradshaw thing of different looks for different occassions, complete with appropriate accessories and make-up, hairstyles that often theme with where she is going. I know it is not styled by Patricia Field, I'm not saying its anywhere near that quality, but part of what I like about SATC and SD is that you never know how the girl is going to look next, and I really appreciate that 'total look' thing, with al the different hairstyles and make-up to compliment the outfits.
Now I know that my friend Georgie would hate to be compared to Carrie and Belle, but she is the person I know in real life who best fits this; you never know what she will be wearing, how her hair will be, how she will have done her make-up, but you know that it will be different from before, different from other people and she will just have nailed the total look. She is also like Carrie and Belle in that she seems to know her body and what suits her and dresses herself in a way that enhances her best bits and exudes sexiness. She always looks gorgeous but real too, individual, like Carrie and Belle. She is like Barbie, but a cooler more rock n roll Brit version; a stunning blonde that boys go gagagagaga over. I have been looking for pictures to best demonstrate this for ages but I don't know if this does her justice, as I stumble upon more, I will add them. My friend Simone also has this quality, but her style is a bit more 'fashion goth', I think I will have to do a blog on her soon too as she does the most amazing hair and make-up creations.
My whole, catching-up-with-watching-movies-everyone-else-has-seen continues. Today I sat down to watch 'Knocked Up', luckily my brother intercepted before I got past the DVD menu and told me I would hate it and should watch something else. I am not easily led by other people or anything but those clos to me know I'm not very good when it comes to certain films and my weird likes/dislikes, and seeing as 'Knocked Up' was done by the same person as '40 Year Old Virgin' which I gave up trying to watch quarter of the way through because I thought it was so vile.
So I opted for The Big Lebowski, it had boobs in and I don't watch films with boobs in if I can avoidit but I guess the trade off was worth it. I don't have sophisticated film tastes (my favourite film is Wayne's World and I like anything with Muppets in). Julianne Moore seems to be an actress who can't resist getting her kit off in films but I must say it's not in a slutty-young-starlet-Megan Fox-'look at me look at me' kind of way in any of the films, it's more on a par with Kate Winslet's fondnest for nudity that doesn't alienate female viewers or seem excessively gratuitous. This is a subject I could go in to in more detail as it is an areaof body politics I am interested in, but I won't here and now.
When I was 14/15 and before I knew better I used to love the film 'Dude, Where's My Car?'. Now having finally watched Lebowski I see the intertextuality between the two and I have understanding and a tiny bit more respect for the homage in 'Dude...Car'. On a really girly level, I liked the Dude's chunky knit cardie and I am now feeling nostalgic for nights at a cocktail bar in Lancaster, the name of which I have forgotten where you used to get amazing White Russians.
Samantha O'Neill: sophisticated, not stripper
